Aw ur so sweet😢 thanks bbb ur making me smiiille
i sure do laugh a lot for someone who’s dead on the inside.
i really cant deal with half the people i know. or actually all of them. they never cease to fucking amazing me witht the shit they do. i dont know if the actual problem lies with them or with myself. i guess just being around them and dealing with their shit makes me want to leave this planet just that much more. i can not stop thinking about suicide like its right there for me and all this shit can be gone so quickly and never have the likelihood to return and thinking about that gives me a euphoric high feeling.. my sister recently got diagnosed with some type of syndrome that shes going to have for the rest of her life and i feel terrible for her. she was saying how suicidal she is and how much she doesnt want to live because of this thing that she will have. when i heard that i was like wow—being/feeling suicidal for a legit reason..not like mine isnt legit, i dont even know if it is bc it really doesnt feel like it. but i just imagine how she feels and how she has no idea how i feel. i just have an uncontrollable desire to die. every day that desire is growing stronger and stronger and months ago i was in the mindset that i just need to get throuhj these next few months which are gonna suck fat cock but once I’m trhough them and in college shit will be perfectly fine. it still might be like that but now i dont give a shit about college or what lies ahead for me. life to me right now is just a drag. and ive been noticing how i cant even appreciate or try to appreciate the beauty in life. im not going to kill myself; i just hope something comes along that is out of my hands which will end with me dying. i dont know like a car crash? maybe some random thing goes wrong with me and i end up dying? i coldnt take my own life bc thats selfish and my mom and dad would be heartbroken but then again im here every day with my heartbroken and every other part of my body broken. my head empty.